This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this book are fictional, and any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely coincidental.
Copyright (c) 2001 by the estate of Keith Laumer
"Aide Memoire" was first published in IF, July, 1962. "The Brass God" (aka "Retief, God-Speaker") was first published in IF, January, 1965. "The Castle of Light" was first published in IF, October, 1964. "Courier" (aka "The Frozen Planet") was first published in IF, September, 1961. "Cultural Exchange" was first published in IF, September, 1962. "Diplomat-at-Arms" was first published in Fantastic, January, 1960. "Native Intelligence" (aka "The Governor of Glave") was first published in IF, November, 1963. "Palace Revolution" (aka "Gambler's World") was first published in IF, November, 1961. "Policy" (aka "The Madman From Earth") was first published in IF, March, 1962. "The Prince and the Pirate" was first published in IF, August, 1964. "Protest Note" (aka "The Desert and the Stars") was first published in IF, November, 1962. "Protocol" (aka "The Yllian Way") was first published in IF, January, 1962. Retief's War was first serialized in IF, October-December, 1965, and published in novel form by Doubleday in 1966. "Saline Solution" was first published in IF, March, 1963. "Sealed Orders" (aka "Retief of Red-Tape Mountain") was first published in IF, February, 1962. "Ultimatum" (aka "Mightiest Qorn") was first published in IF, November, 1961. "Wicker Wonderland" (aka "The City That Grew in the Sea") was first published in IF, March, 1964.
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form.
A Baen Books Original
Baen Publishing Enterprises
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ISBN: 0-671-31857-8
Cover art by Richard Martin
First printing, January 2002
Distributed by Simon & Schuster
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Production by Windhaven Press, Auburn, NH
Printed in the United States of America
"Let me congratulate you," the voice said. Retief turned. An immense Flap-jack, hung with crimson trappings, rippled at his side. "Your skirmish-forms fight well. I think we will find in each other worthy adversaries."
"Thanks," Retief replied. "I'm sure the test would be interesting, but I'm hoping we can avoid it."
"Avoid it? Well, we can resolve these matters later. I am called Hoshick of the Mosaic of the Two Dawns."
"I'm Retief . . . of the Mountain of Red Tape."
"As soon as we realized that you were sportsmen like ourselves," Hoshick continued, "we provided a bit of activity for you. We ordered out our heavier equipment and a few trained skirmishers and soon we'll be able to give you an adequate show, or so I hope."
"Additional skirmishers?" said Retief. "How many, if you don't mind my asking?"
"For the moment, perhaps a few hundred. Thereafter . . . well, I'm sure we can arrange that between us. Personally I would prefer a contest of limited scope—no nuclear or radiation-effect weapons."
"Oh, by all means," Retief said. "No atomics. It's wasteful of troops. I wondered if you've considered eliminating weapons altogether?"
"Pardon my laughter, but surely you jest?"
"As a matter of fact," said Retief, "we ourselves try to avoid the use of weapons. You see, we're up against a serious problem with regard to our skirmish-forms: a low birth rate. Therefore we've reluctantly taken to substitutes for the mass actions so dear to the heart of the sportsman. It's quite simple, really. Each side selects a representative and the two individuals settle the issue between them."
"You don't mean . . . ?"
"That's right," said Retief. "You and me."
Retief!
Odyssey (forthcoming)