This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this book are fictional, and any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely coincidental.
Copyright © 2001 by the estate of Keith Laumer.
"In the Queue" was first published by Putnam in 1970 as part of the anthology Orbit 7, edited by Damon Knight. "The Planet Wreckers" was first published in Worlds of Tomorrow, February 1967. "The Body Builders" was first published in Galaxy, August 1966. Time Trap was first published by Putnam in 1970. "The Devil You Don't" was first published by Doubleday in 1970 as part of the anthology Alchemy & Academe, edited by Anne McCaffrey. "The Exterminator" (aka "A Bad Day for Vermin") was first published in Galaxy, February 1964. "The Big Show" was first published in Galaxy, February 1968. "Goobereality" was first published by Berkley in 1968 as part of the anthology of Keith Laumer stories entitled It's a Mad, Mad, Mad Galaxy. "Prototaph" was first published in Analog, March 1966. The Great Time Machine Hoax was first published by Simon & Schuster in 1964.
All rights reserved, including the right to reproduce this book or portions thereof in any form.
A Baen Books Original
Baen Publishing Enterprises
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ISBN: 0-7434-3537-0
Cover art by Richard Martin
First printing, May 2002
Distributed by Simon & Schuster
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Production by Windhaven Press, Auburn, NH
Printed in the United States of America
The girl lay in the rain by her crumpled motorcycle. "You must help me," she whispered. "Deliver the message: Beware the Rhox!"
"What rocks?" Roger looked around wildly. "I'll go for a doctor!"
Her voice faltered. "No time . . . to explain . . . take . . . button . . . put it in . . . your ear. . . ." The green eyes held on Roger's, pleading.
"Seems like a funny time to worry about a hearing aid," Roger gulped, "but . . ." He held the button to his ear. Did he hear a faint, wavering hum, or was it his imagination? He pushed it in.
"Drive to Pottsville," the girl's voice said in his ear. "Start now. Time is precious!"
There was the sound of a motor. The headlight of a second motorcycle was approaching. As it shot past, he saw the shape behind the handlebars: a headless torso, bulbous, ornamented with two clusters of tentacles. Through the single goggle, an eye as big as a pizza swiveled to impale him with a glance of utter alienness.
With a strangled yell, Roger leaped back and saw the motorcycle veer wildly, hurling its monstrous rider clear, then skid to a stop in the center of the highway. Roger could see that the rider's upper portion was smashed into a pulp.
"I should go to the police," he said. "But what can I say? That I was responsible for the death of a giant rutabaga?"
"Time is of the essence," the girl's slightly accented voice said. "Get going! Take the motorcycle!"
"That would be stealing!"
"Who's going to report it? Relatives of a giant rutabaga?"
"You have a definite point there," Roger said . . .
—from Time Trap
The Compleat Bolo
Retief!
Odyssey
Keith Laumer: The Lighter Side